i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
