dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
