Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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