dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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