His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
