When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
