i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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