ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
