I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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