oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
