i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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