Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
