My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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