Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
