Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
