sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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