Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
