if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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