is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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