so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
