haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
