I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
