But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
