Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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