Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize