i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
