I could make wine with my vomit
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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