I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
