Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
