I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
