dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
