There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
don't judge my taste in strippers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
