the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
