The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
