I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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