Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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