You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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