your room smells of hookers.
And success
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
