I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
