last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
