he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
