Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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