mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
