Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
