ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
