Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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