I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
