After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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