...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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