you guys were way drunker than both of me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
