ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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