you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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