She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
