She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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