I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
