wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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