I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
