Betty ford says i'm here all night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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