I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
